Tutoring According to the Student Manifesto

The student manifesto proposes an ideal situation where teachers have all the time in the world to focus all of their attention on one paper. In reality, professors could have nearly a hundred papers to grade and don't have time to help students with basic writing techniques. That's what the writing center is for. When I read the paper, "The Cause of Crime," I have to admit, there were places where I just circled sentences and wrote "what" or "huh," which is exactly what the students in the video said not to do. So I went back and put more effort into describing my "what" and "huh." I found that this student did a really good job of setting up quotes and theories and then continuing to explain what the quotes meant, instead of just giving the quote and moving on. This student also provided examples to further explain quotes and theories. She relates one theory to peer pressure and she also mentions Bernard Madoff when discussing how the wealthy still commit criminal acts. I could tell that she had a distinct style of writing within her paragraphs. She would have a general statement, describe what she was going to talk about, give quotes and theories, and then further expand. It was like her paragraphs were a triangle, going from general to specific. However, this student has some areas that need improvement. Her abstract and the beginning of her paragraphs are too general and too obvious, like she is just doesn't know how to start her thoughts. There are ways of presenting what you are going to talk about in an informative manner without being so general. I think this student needs to dive into more content about what her paper will be about instead of just obviously stating that the human mind is complex. In her first paragraph she mentions three reasons why criminals commit crime, so the reader does know what to expect. However, none of that is in her abstract; the reader begins her paper with no knowledge of what is to come. The first paragraph also does not have a clear thesis. It is simply comprised of vague sentences and three factors attributing to why people commit crime. This student also needs to work on word choice and word efficiency. I noticed on the first page, most of her sentences have little beginners that were really unnecessary and only added to her vagueness. "First of all," "For most," "To be more specific," "In the most concise manner," are a few examples. Run-on sentences were also a problem. To name one specifically, on the first paragraph of the third page there is literally a sentence that is four and a half lines. Instead of just fixing it, in my comments I said, "This sentence is multiple complete sentences incorrectly joined. " I then demonstrated where the student could add a comma or period or move certain phrases around to break the sentence up. This kind of editing takes a lot of time, but it does treat the student as an individual and recognizes their strengths and weaknesses in a beneficial manner. However, in the real world, students need to be able to improve their writing without teachers spending all their time on one paper.